Oh there you are!

Hi! Long time no see.  To be specific it was about 7 months ago that I last posted.  I have thought about coming back many times but the lazy bug bit me in the ass hard.  I also sometimes liken myself to a bear...I hibernate because I hate winter so dang much!  
So anyways, I'm back.  I have started a new job and truth be told, I hate it.  I know this is common for many people, but what sucks even more is that I'm good at it but STILL hate it.  My boss has even told me that.  I work in a daycare and the kids are alright but I really don't like having 3 year olds for 10 hours a day that aren't mine.  I get just enough hours but I'm still doing work outside of work and when I come home, I have just enough energy to make dinner but no cleaning or self improvement.  As a result, I have back slid on ALL of my goals.  The plus side is I do work with some pretty awesome people and I don't think I tell them that enough.  
As it is now summer, and I'm getting sick of myself again, it's time to revamp and rededicate myself to me.  I have to break down my goals into smaller bits because big bites do the opposite of motivate.  I also have to learn to figure myself out and improve myself around my work schedule/energy/stress levels.  I also have to be patient.  I think this is really hard for me because I'm tired of feeling so crappy all of the time. If you could look at my soul, it would probably look like one of my less-than-stellar-motor-control student's drawings (a.k.a. a scribbly hot mess with lots of black and brown).  I would prefer a soul closer to an impressionist painting, because they use pretty colors and it's not totally neat and tidy but it's still beautiful.  Oh I just thought of something fun.  If you draw a black dot on like a coffee filter or something and allow it to suck up water somehow, your black dot will start to spread.  Not make the whole thing black, but turn into purple, blue, red and yellow.  So maybe I just need more soul water.  
So I don't know what I'm going to do about my understanding of God.  I got to  a better place with this goal before, but I haven't thought about how to revamp/rededicate this one.
As for my fitness, I'm starting very small.  Let's get 80 oz of hydrating fluid a day.  How did I get 80 oz?  A trick my trainer taught me.  You should be drinking half your body weight as oz each day.  This includes water, milk, juice, no caffeine tea and coffee.  I want more water than anything else because it's the best for you, but tea is good for me too.  I want to be doing this for a month.  Next can add in either the diet or the exercise...starting small remember?
My relationship with my husband has been doing very well.  We are getting more on the same page with lots of things and have been more understanding of each other.  I want to keep this going.
As for what I want to do with my life...I still want to be a stay at home mom. Career wise though, no clue.  I think right now I'm just going to go with stay on top of lesson planning and having materials ready.  Mom is helping with the sending in of applications but I don't get calls for interviews and the 1 interview I have gotten I failed miserably at.  My hope is at the bottom of a deep well and I can't dwell on it.  So, I need to make the work I do now, the best so that I can feel successful again at something career related.
Since I have lived by the philosophy of "messy bed, messy head" for a few years now (yes I know my house is actually a mess, and I get super lazy, but the saying rings true!) I am getting my ass in gear and making my house what I want it to be.  I figure since we are only renting, we have been living here for 2 years, nothing is organized, everything is cluttered, the walls are bare, and my body feels frantic just sitting here, I'm DEEP CLEANING!  Mom is coming over for 2 4 day weekends to help (which I love her for very much).  We are organizing, sorting, throwing away, donating, scrubbing, and fixing most of the rooms the first weekend.  The second weekend (a couple weeks later to allow motivation to blossom again) we are getting the basement done and decorating.  All I can really say about this right now is "God, I hope this works!"  
Anyways, that is where I am.  That spot in the distance is where I'm hoping to be, and I am going to try to keep you all informed.  It feels good to be back (which is surprising because I've never been a writer before) and I hope you all have great evenings.


Cheers!