Negative Nellie, party of 1 (draft posted with a note)

Hey guys I know I just posted something but I just found this post from awhile ago.  I never published it and I really think it needs to be said.  I still feel this way a lot.  Anyways...here it is:
Everyone has those times that they remember in their lives.  Some of those times are good, others are bad for different reasons.  I haven't been doing well with being positive or improving my view of myself lately.  I don't think I was always so negative but I know about the point that I lost that positivity.  I was never really popular as a kid, I was literally picked last in gym class.  I had parties where no one showed up, I was picked on horribly from about 2nd grade and all through high school.  I've always been a third string kind of person, it wasn't until high school that I felt truly wanted in a group of friends and even some of those people hurt me badly.  I'm not saying this to get pity.  Please don't pity me, I have learned a lot from it and the friends I have now are some of the best people in the world.  I'm telling you this because it has affected me. 
If there is a lot of positive things going on in my life, I'm just waiting for the bad things to come back.  If I suggest something, I know most people will think it shouldn't be done. 
My pride keeps saying "this is smart because you are always prepared" but this sucks!  Living like this makes you doubt yourself and everyone around you, it makes you scared to try anything because you might fail (again), and it makes people not want to be around you because you are so negative. 
Recently I've been wondering what my life would have been like if I went to a different school, or if my parents would have noticed that I didn't really have friends.  Of course, it is a much grander picture of my current life and fulfills all of the "I wish I..." criteria of my thoughts.  I think everyone has felt like that at one time or another.  If they say they haven't, I think they are lying.  
Trying to become a positive person, is like trying to climb Mt. Everest without any training.  I can't just tell myself to be happy, or to not feel like a failure.  I usually have to work myself up to try something, and I don't always know how I started feeling happy.  Can anyone teach you how to be happy?  
I have a million things swirling around in my head right now and they are so all over the place within this topic that I just can't write it all down.  Final thoughts: parents work on self worth, kindness, and overcoming fear/others with your children; everyone know that the negative person probably had to deal with a lot of shit growing up so work with them accordingly.
Guess I'll be starting my training to climb Everest soon.  Cheers.