Oops! Busy Times...

So I realize that it has been forever since I have posted anything at all.  I have always had a hard time keeping a journal and I tend to forget that I didn't post then all of  a sudden it's been a month and I'm still silent.  So the silence stops here.  I'm not going to post the good things because I can't remember that far back.  I do have some sad news to report.  My poppa passed away, and as my mom puts it, I actually had a relationship with him so this death is harder than others I have experienced.  My poppa was very good at letting others shine but he loved golf, gardening, family, and being active.  It was only in the past year that his heath started going down because of Parkinson's and he was just a shell of his former self.  In the end, he went into respiratory arrest and became comatose looking more like a Halloween decoration than my poppa.  I know that he is in a better place with my Grandma, and he is breathing without oxygen, and getting ready to go golfing...but knowing that doesn't mean I don't miss him.  Leaving his house (which I'm at right now) for what will be the last time will be so hard because we have to sell the house.  This is the only house that I have ever known for my mother's parents.  We had a memorial service in NC last Tuesday July the 19th and the burial will be Saturday the 30th in Ohio.  I did copy some great old pictures of him and I will post them on my facebook because they are just so great!
Phil has also been out of town for a month and I had to get special permission to tell him everything that was going on because he was not allowed to talk to me.  (Stupid army and their thinking)  He gets to come home soon so I get a big part of my support system back which will be nice because I will be able to support my mom when she has to bury her dad. 
While we are in NC I have been able to keep working out, I may have put some weight on but I still went to the gym even though I was out of town.  So YAY me!  I also did some workouts at home.
Mom and I went to Wilmington to visit her college friend.  We went to decompress and have some light time before having to come back to start going through the house.  I got to play in the Atlantic Ocean, walk on the beach, get really sunburned, go on a ghost walk (which I love), and ask some questions about a possible career path.    I have come to the conclusion that I would do very well living in beach town because the less stressed atmoshere.  The possible career path would be a medical transcriptionist.  I would be able to work from home, make almost as much as I did teaching (depending on how much I work and type), and I could take it with me when I moved.  The only thing I'm nervous about is how accurate I have to be to pass the classes...high expectations often make me nervous because of my low self esteem, never thinking I'm good enough and all that.  I'm still not sure what I want to do...nothing seems to fit. 
My faith and I have been doing alright lately.  I kinda recognize that my beliefs will probably never totally be in line with the church.  For instance, the Bible...not always the best example of God or Jesus.  Old Testament, God was angry and punished people for not following him, my way or the highway attitude, then in the New Testament God loves everyone and forgives everyone as long as they ask for it.  Then the books in the Bible have been changed over the years, parts left out, new parts put in; on top of that, just about every monarch/pope has changed what the Bible has said to suit their needs which is why there is the King James Version, the Marry Poppins Version, the Grasshopper Version and all those other versions out there.  And as Christians we had to hold a conference to vote on whether Jesus was actually the son of God or just some nutter.  Finally when the books of the Bible were first written, there was a lot of opium being smoked in that area, and opium can cause hallucinations...I mean think about it, if your buddy got high and wrote a book because God told him what to say, would you think that is the most reliable writing?  I do believe in God, and Jesus and Heaven.  I think the stories in the Bible should be used like fables and folk tales, the morals should be looked at and then applied to life accordingly.  Jesus welcomed the children, in your life, care for the young because they are the future and looking to you to show them the right thing to do; Jesus gave water to the whatever was the "enemy" of some other chick, love other people even if you don't agree with their lifestyle.  I also believe in ghosts, because what more proof of life after death is that?  I mean earth bound spirits don't have it the best, and they haven't gone to where they need to go but sometimes our loved ones come back just to check on us.  There are times when I know I'm being watched over because I feel so loved and like nothing can hurt me.  My best friend's mother passed away a few years ago, around her deathday, my twin always feels her mother's presence around her.  I have seen twin after she felt her mom, and my twin has that quiet happiness and can only come from feeling the love someone has for us. 
Ok I'm going to stop preaching now.  I think I'm done for the night.  Thanks to everyone for the well wishes for my family!  Cheers!

Post 3

I'm officially changing the name of my posts from "week" to "post" since I am no good at sticking to my write on Thursdays things.  Ok here we go...
Friday the 10th- Yummy Chinese food
Saturday the 11th- Phil only being gone one night for drill
Sunday the 12th- Pizza on the grill and having the B.I.L. over
Monday the 13th- Being able to comfort X-ey when he is upset
Tuesday the 14th- Watching Bones all day
Wednesday the 15th- Super cute giggling on the car ride
Thursday the 16- Getting all the Harry Potter books onto my computer
Friday the 17th- Date night with the husband and new running shoes
Saturday the 18th- a 7 year old's Harry Potter themed party
Sunday the 19th- Indians game and Zocolo with family
Monday the 20th-Making a running podcast
Tuesday the 21st- Not having to worry about my dental surgery anymore because it's done and completing my first run
Wednesday the 22nd- My husband taking care of me because my mouth

I'm in a much better mood today than I was for the last post.  I'm still not making a lot of progress on my goals.  I'm beginning to think I'm sabotaging myself.  I tend to pull back when I get too overwhelmed to deal with things.  I realize all of that, but I still can't find the motivation to fix it.  I have a number for a place that is hiring full time but I'm not sure what that job totally entails. 
I've come to the conclusion that people don't like when you can't tell them what you are doing.  My husband keeps asking if I'm going to school and I can't tell him yes or no.  Other's keep asking what I'm planning on doing and I honestly don't know.  I do know that I don't want to rush into a decision, and there are a lot of possibilities. 
Oh I just remembered!  I am making some progress on my goals.  I've been working out, like you know but I now have something to train for.  There is a race that will be in October if I can get a team together.  It's kinda like the Amazing Race only it stays in 1 city.  It's running and biking, so I got some good running shoes, and found the Couch to 5K running program.  I started running.  The next step is to get my bike a checkup, get me a helmet and start training on the bike too.  I'll keep you all posted on how that is going because the race is awesome.  Oh and if you want it: Click this if you want to check out the race
I had dental surgery on Tuesday.  I guess they do this on kids all the time, and it's a common procedure.  I had a skin graft taken from the back of my mouth and placed on the gum line of my front bottom teeth.  It will take 8 weeks till I can bite into food again.  Do you know how many foods you have to bite into???  A Lot!  At least the surgery is done right?  I'm finding that not talking and ice and medication make me feel loads better. 
I think that is all I have to say really.  Have a good week everyone! Cheers!

Week 2

Alright, so apparently I am not so good at remembering the once a week thing since I haven't written since the 28th.  So here is my list of the good things:

Sunday the 29th- Not having to write lesson plans for the last week of school
Monday the 30th- Day off for Memorial Day
Tuesday the 31st- Getting an idea about what I can do for some extra money next year 
Wednesday the 1st- Realizing I don't have early morning wake ups after Friday
Thursday the 2nd- Getting thank you notes, flowers, and a perry the platypus message board from my parents
Friday the 3rd- Being done cleaning the room at 10:30, margaritas at lunch time
Saturday the 4th- School is out!
Sunday the 5th- Morning cuddle time with my husband
Monday the 6th- Getting to spend time with X
Tuesday the 7th- Finding out the dental surgery I have to have will be relatively easy
Wednesday the 8th- Winery Night with the ladies
Thursday the 9th- First day of summer vacation with nothing to do

Again this week at this time I'm not in the best of moods.  I'm getting sick again, I hurt my knee so I can't bend it without pain, and I keep getting bug bites.  This would make it that I have been sick for about 6 months off and on and the Dr's. keep telling me it's allergies (but how could I be allergic to grass in January?).  My knee was just me being clumsy, but the pain is just irritating.  Finally, I understand that bugs are important for different aspects of life, but really? mosquitoes could be extinct and I really wouldn't miss them.  When I get bug bites they either turn bright red and crayola marker purple, or grow to the size of a quarter and they ITCH until I scratch the tip off and squeeze out the poison.  I also haven't made much progress on my goals.  I'm kinda taking some time to relax after school, but now that I'm thinking about it, I may be avoiding the situation. 

I still don't know what I'm going to do for next year.  I think my main concern right now is money.  My additional money idea is a almost a catering business.  When people have parties (birthdays, selling parties that don't already involve food, even special dates or family dinners), they may not want to cook or clean, well I would do that.  I'm starting by letting friends and family know so that I can test it out.  I'm just charging for the food right now, but once I figure out if I can do it, I'll charge for my time.  I also will make Christmas cookies for pre-order for those busy people. 

I don't have anything else to talk about and I'm really not getting in a better mood.  Sorry this is mostly a bitchfest.  Cheers!

Week 1

It's been over a week since I first posted and a lot has happened.  So first I will catch you all up with the good things from this past week plus the extra days.
Friday the 20th-4:00 pm finally getting there
Saturday the 21st-Catching up on all of my shows
Sunday the 22nd-Husband coming home from playing army, finished the last full week of lesson plans
Monday the 23rd-Getting a whole list of things done
Tuesday the 24th-Taking the last pill from the Dr.
Wednesday the 25th-Help from a career counselor
Thursday the 26th- Cute students saying cute things, First workout with the trainer
Friday the 27th- Payday/Doughnut Day, End of Year Celebration, Chocolate Night
Saturday the 28th-New Glee Cd's, and a cute new workout bag

Today is kind of a blue day for me.  I'm bummed the husband choose to spend a 3rd weekend away from me so he could go camping with his friends even though he said he would only go 1 night.  I'm also pissed at one of his friends for putting my husband and myself at risk for things to go on our driving records...sooo right now is not my most positive moment this week.  These things might cloud my judgement in this post, just wanted to give fair warning.
Anyways...I got some GREAT information this week.  My mom and I took a trip to check out some colleges on Wednesday to see if I should go back to school next year.  First we went to Ashland University and they were so helpful!  We stopped at the wrong office so they called the correct office for us, gave water, a personal escort to the correct building, and then I met with a career counselor who helped me see that I'm just frustrated with school systems but not burnt out, and gave me something else that I could look into.  After that, we went to the University of Akron.  They were the opposite of helpful and I ended up not talking to anyone. 
The career counselor suggested I do some research and look into being a counselor or a psychologist of some sort.  He said this because from what I was saying he could tell that I wanted to help people and I wanted to do it one on one.  I really think I might look into doing this because he is right.  I do want to help people and no one is the same so each person needs their own help.  He also showed me how to network.  I mean how often do you hear people say "you need to network" but who teaches you to network?  This guy gave me the things to say, questions to ask, the time frame to call people, and the reasons behind it all.  Speaking of him, I need to send him a message saying Thank you. 
I also made some progress on another goal.  I had my first session with a personal trainer.  She had me go through almost all the machines at the gym plus a little bit extra.  Friday, the day after, I was sore but nothing too bad.  Today I can't unbend my arms without coming close to tears.  I know I worked really hard, and it's good for me, but wow, do I hurt.  I have orders to do some cardio over the weekend, and my next session is on Tuesday. 
I talked to my Mom about how she can stand organized religion this week too.  She agreed with me that there are a lot of problems with organized religion such as bigotry, cliques, focus on money, and gossip (don't know that is what a prayer chain is?).  Then we talked about the Callie/Arizona wedding on Grey's and how Bailey talked about how the church had not caught up to God because God loves everyone and he is everywhere.  I wish more people had that outlook because I think we would be better as a society with fewer hate crimes.  On a side note, Old Navy is coming out with some Gay Pride shirts and I totally want one! 
I feel this needs to be said as well.  I am not gay, I just believe that it is not a choice (why would you say hmm I think I'm going to be gay and choose to be hated for no reason?) and that gay marriage should be allowed because love is love and how many divorces, affairs, or other horrible things happen in church recognized marriages? 
Back to me.  I think I made some good progress this week on my goals.  I even had to deal with PMS and managed to stay mostly positive.  I'm starting to get worried about income and making ends meet for next year.  I hope that I can keep this positive outlook going.  Have a good week everyone! Cheers! 

What I Want

Since this is my first blog (ever) and the first post, I thought I would start by stating what I want to do.  I feel at this moment in time, that I suck at life.  I'm questioning just about everything.  What I want to do in my career, what is religion and faith and how to keep that faith, how do I make myself a better person, are there any good people in the world, and about a million other questions.  To figure it all out, I have heard that journaling is good, so I started a blog.  I'm only planning on posting once a week, but each post should have something positive for each day of the week, and an update on my questions and goals.  I might even include some tidbits like an inspiring quote or something that I just want to share because it's awesome. 

Since I will be posting about my goals, I should probably post some goals huh?
1. Feel good about how I look.
2. Figure out what I want to do for my career.
3. Become more positive in my outlook and attitude.
4. Manage my stress levels to a healthy productive stress.
5. Work on my relationship with my faith.

As of right now, I'm only planning on doing this for about a year.  And those goals are a tall order for a year.  I'm not expecting everything to be 100% completed in this year but good progress on everything.  So far I have a gym membership, a will to be better, a book or two, some contacts, and a supportive husband and parents (and not to forget a very loving puppy who seems to know when I need some lovin' from the pup).  So I guess that is it for now. Cheers!